This is what i promised Dingo

Sometimes i think i have to much free time but it did lead me to do this enjoy.

Dingo a Diplomat visiting pravadas home world was invited to be one of the judges at a chill cook off. He was assured by the two judges that the chill wouldn’t be all that spicy--and besides they told him there would be free beer during the tasting who could pass that up. Here are the scorecards form the event


chili 1: inPlainView maniac mobster monster chili
judge one: a little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick
judge two: nice, smooth tomato flavor, very mild
Dingo: holy smokes what is this stuff you could remove dried paint from your drive way with it. Took me two beers to put out the flames out. I hope that’s the worst. these people are crazy


chili 2: Ulfviir afterburner chili
judge one: Smokey with a hint of pork slight jalapeno tang
judge two: exciting BBQ flavor need more peppers to be taken seriously
Dingo: Keep this out of reach of children I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. Shoving my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She had arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will not pick a fight with her

chili 3: Admiral Thrawn famous burn down the death star chili
judge one: excellent firehouse chili great kick needs more beans
judge two: a bean less chili a bit salty good use of red peppers
Dingo: holy shit this has got to be a joke. Call the 501st I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing red hot ashes. everyone by now new my routine and got out of my way so I could make it to the front of the beer wagon. The barmaid pounded me on the back now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call here sally but probity behind her back they call here forklift

chili 4: Beratha black magic
judge one: black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing
judge two: hint of lime in the black beans. good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much chili
Dingo: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn’t have to dash over to see her. when she winked at me her snake tattoo sort of coiled and uncoiled.....it’s kind of cute

chili 5: Aayla legal lip remover
judge one: meaty strong chili cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick very impressive
judge two: chili using shredded beef could use more tomato must admit peppers make a strong statement
Dingo: my ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told him that his chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the judges asked me to stop screaming

chili 6: Ursus very vegetarian variety
judge one: good balance of spice and peppers
judge two: the best yet aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb
Dingo: my intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one wanted to stand behind me except sally, I asked if she wanted to go dancing later

chili 7: Clouts screaming sensation chili
judge one: a mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers
judge two: ho hum tastes like the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment
Dingo: you could put a thermal detonator in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn’t feel it. I’ve lost the sight in my right eye and the world sounds as it is made of rushing water. my clothes are coved in chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point, good at the autopsy they'll know what killed me, “go sally save yourself before it is too late, tell our children I’m sorry I was not there to conceive them’. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It is just too painful and I’m not getting any oxygen anyway, if I need air ill just breath out of the hole in my stomach. call the UPF tell them I’ve found a super nova on my tongue
the world is now starting to darken round me I don’t think hell would burn as much as this

You can write, Human, and very well at that!!!! Cracking up.

Noting,I was there, and I swear on all Holy Hops that this is exactly how it went down.

Bravo, Maestra!!

I'll have to add a ghost pepper to my chili for the next telling of this joke

Vegetarian chili? Really? Why would you assume I go the vegan route?

Haha, just playing, I have a recipe or two for vegetarian chili around here somewhere.....and for anything else anyone could need.

Bravo pravada... Bravo. Let me say this, you will continue to be my cuddly little koala if stuff like this keeps popping up.

Ursus... he found my ego and he stroked it.... He stroked it real good.


Lol

I'm so happy you knew I don't like beans! Space farts are bad news... especially stormtrooper space farts...

Come now Studley Monkey lets keep the nick names for the bedroom

Awe... MONKEY?! why is THAT the first animal to pop in your head!? Clout was right we need to get into some couple therapy.